you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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