Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
