I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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