some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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