You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
