I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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