It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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