Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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