you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize