Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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