3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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