His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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