My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
