apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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