no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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