I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
