Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize