New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
