Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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