It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
My vagina just recognized that song.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
