he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
