Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
