Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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