Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
a search helicopter?!
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
