nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize