I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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