if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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