One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
