I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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