Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
