I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
