My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
