Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
