Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
