But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
