Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
