ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Randomize
