I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
