well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
