We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Rumble strips road head = magical
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize