his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
