Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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