you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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