you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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