I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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