do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I have fence marks all over my body
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
