I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
