Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
