i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
