your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
