I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
