U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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