just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
