These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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