yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
