Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
