my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
