he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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