you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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