No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
