Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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