I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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