Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
