I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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