I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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