im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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