is your mom at the bar?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
