It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
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