i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
